Fairies, Triforces, and Giant Mallets
by EvilKodama
Summary: Giant Mallets+Evil fairies=Fun
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1

Kokiri forest

"Hey! Wake up!" said Navi, to the little Kokiri child that would soon be the hero of time.

      "Hmm.. sleep"

      "Link, you must awake.. Your destiny begins here."

      "hmm.. bite me."

      "Link!! Please wake up!! The Deku Tree has summoned you!"

      "ZZzzzz......"

            "...Okay. That's it." Navi turned red with anger and she pulled out a giant mallet from out of no where that was ten times bigger than her, and smacked Link in the head with it. 

      "NOW WAKE UP!!!!!"

"Ow.. ow ow.. what???huh??Where am I??" Link held a hand over the lump appearing on his head and looked around in confusion. He finally saw Navi and blinked at her. "Did you just hit me?"

      "Yes, I just hit you, you moron, The Great Deku Tree has summoned you to.."

      "Dookie Tree???!?! Eeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!" Link grinned stupidly.

      "DEKU!!!!!!" Navi slammed the mallet over is head again, and anime-ish vein popping out of her forhead.

      "OW!!! YOU STUPID MUTATED HOUSE FLY, YOU!!!"

      "C'mon, we gotta go see the Deku tree!!!" Navi slammed the mallet hard into Links back and he went flying out of his little tree house thingy that all Kokiri children lived in, and he landed on something squishy.

      "hmm... good thing this big squishy thing was here, that could've hurt." Link said. The big squishy thing started moving and link fell over off the big squishy thing. The big squishy thing stood up and was actually a green haired girl wearing all green clothes. "Saria!!!"

      "Link! You moron!! How dare you call me squishy!! Dieeeeeee!!!" Saria pulled a giant mallet out of her pocket that was about 10 times bigger than her and about 20 times bigger than Navi's giant mallet.

      "EEEP!!" Link squeaked right before Saria sent him flying through the air with a giant swing from her giant mallet.  Navi gave her a high five, then flew away after Link.

      Link landed at the feet of a short red-haired dude with an evil look on his face. "erm... hi?" said Link.

      How did you get to be the favorite of both Saria and The Great Deku Tree?" The grumpy red haired dude growled.

      "What?"

      "I the great Mido...."

      "umm..."

      "will never accept someone like you..."

      "er.. question...??"

      "as one of us.. blah blah blah.."

      "uh... and I care.... why??"

      "you dont even have a sword or a shield.."

      "and that is your problem... why???"

      "Link!! We have to go see The Great Deku Tree!!!" yelled Navi as she flew toward Link.

      "But this guy is standing in the way, saying all this crap about swords and shields!!" Link said.

      "Then we gotta go buy some equipment first." Said Navi.

      "Why?" asked Link, "He's a scrawny little bugger, I think I could take him."

      "C'mon! the great deku tree has summoned you!"

      "Aw.. whatever..."

      So Link and Navi went to the weapons shop. There was a little short man

 bobbing up and down behind the counter.

      "Hey wow, the music changed!" Link said as he walked inside the little shop. "I need a sword and a shield." 

      "We dont sell swords." said the little man, bobbing up and down behind the counter.

      "Umm.. then I want a shield.." Link said, also bobbing up and down to the weird shop music.

      "Move the little stick thingy on your controller to the item you want and press A."

      "uh... do what?"

      "Move the little stick thingy on your controller to the item you want and press A."

      "Hey Navi, Lemme see your mallet real quick..."

      "What? Screw you. It's my mallet." squeaked Navi.

      Link tackled Navi and took her mallet. Then he smacked the shopkeeper over the head with it and took shield. Then he went ahead and took some deku nuts and deku sticks while he was there.

      As they were leaving the shop, Navi said "you know there _HAD to be an easier way to do that.." _

"ah... he was talking nonsense... he had it coming.."

      "Whatever, gimme back my mallet."

      "No."

      Navi flew toward Link with the speed and power of a bus full of drunk clowns, knocked him off his feet, somehow recovered her mallet, and slammed it down on links face.

      "OW!!"

      "DO NOT CHALLENGE MY POWER!!!!" Navi roared.

      Link passed out and he woke up with the kokiri sword in its scabbard on his shoulder.

      "NAVI!!! NAVI!!! I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND THE SWORD!!! LOOK!!! LOOK I FOUND IT!! ITS HERE!!!" Link yelled.

      "YOU DOLT! YOU DIDNT FIND THE STUPID SWORD!!! While you were unconscious, I drug you to the entrance of this lovely little cave, hit you with my mallet until you were out of hearts, used your limp body to block the boulder from rolling over me, and getting in my way, found the sword, drug you out of the cave, gave you the sword, equipped it for you, and then I found a fairy and revived you."

      "erm... aren't you a fairy? why couldn't you just revive me???"

      "That's... a good question... I... ah.. I don't know..... um anyway.... on to the Deku Tree!!"

      So they walked towards the entrance to the home of the Deku Tree, only to Find Mido still standing there exactly where he was earlier.

      "You're still here?" Link asked

      "uh.. yeah.. Where else would I be?" said Mido

      "umm.... don't you have other things to do... you know like.. other than just standing right here all day?"

      "No..." said Mido rolling his eyes at such a stupid question.

      "Umm... okay.. well I have a sword and a shield now.. Can I please get through so I can  talk to some stupid tree so this stupid fairy will go away and leave me alone?" Link asked nicely.

      "Screw you." said Mido

      Link sighed and threw one of the deku nuts that he stole from the shopkeeper earlier at Mido. There was a blinding flash and Mido froze and fell over, stiff as a board.

      Link giggled. "heehee, dookie.. nuts... heehee." Navi growled and slammed her mallet into Links back, sending him flying toward the Deku Tree.


	2. The Spiritual Stones

Chapter 2

The Spiritual Stones

                        DISCLAIMER: (since everyone else puts this in their stories and I forgot to add it to my first chapter..) I do not own Zelda or any of its characters of anything related to it, blah blah blah.. (Obviously, since this is a fanfic by the way..) So please do not sue me. ^_^

          Ahem…

      Link hit the side of the Deku tree with the force of a million spongy green sofas and then slid to the ground head first. "ow…"

      "Come hither, Link. I have many things I must tell thee." the deku tree said.

      "um, what?" said Link.

      "Dost thou have courage enough to save this land?"

      "er.. you talk funny.."

      Navi flew to Link and kicked him in the face, "DO NOT INSULT THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "Wow, you kicked me, what happened to your mallet?"

      "oh don't worry, it's here, see?" Navi slammed the giant mallet down onto Link's face.

      "Like thou didn't see that one coming.." said the deku tree.

      "Screw you, _Dookie Tree." _

      A giant oversized Deku nut fell from the tree's branches and landed on Links face. "OW!!!"

      "Oops!! It slipped! It was those stupid squirrels!!" said the Deku tree.

      "Bleh"

      "Anyway.. I have been cursed and I need thou to go and solve a bunch of puzzles and kill some spider thingy and stuff like that."

      "And I should help you… why?"

      "Because I said so!!! And I'll give you some pretty green stone.. Its shiny!!"

      "Woah, Shiny!? Heck yeah! I'm in!!" said Link 

      The next thing Link knew, he was laying on a cold floor, A giant spider looking thing with one giant eyeball was looming over him. "eep!!" squealed Link. 

      "It's about time you woke up!!" yelled Navi. "It's been really annoying, dragging you around everywhere while I try and beat this dungeon!"

      "Where am I? What happened?"

      "We went inside the Deku Tree, A deku baba bit you, you lost half a heart, then passed out from fear, and you've been unconscious every since." Said Navi.

      "So I'm in the Deku Tree"

      "yes"

      "About to fight a giant spider Boss thing"

      "uh huh"

      "For absolutely no benefit to me except a shiney green stone"

      "that's right"

      The Giant spider, Queen Gohma, cleared her throat "ahem"

      "Alright!!! Where's my sharp swingey-hittey thingy –er.. sword?"

      ".. On your back, in its sheath.."

      "Right!!" Link pulled out his sword and jumped on Gohma's back, and continuously beat her in the head with the sword. "aaagh!! Why.. wont.. you die… Hey! I know!!" Link snatched Navi out of the air. 

      "Hey!!whatareyoudoingLinkareyoustupid,lemmegoandjustfightthestupidspideraaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!"

Link squirted Super glue on Navi and Threw her at Gohma, Navi stuck to Gohma, she buzzed her wings but she couldn't move. "AAAAH!LINKYOUMORON,WHATTHEHELLISWRONGWITHYOUAREYOUCRAZYYOURSUPPOSEDTOKILLTHEBLASTEDSPIDERNOTGLUEMETOIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAH!! I CANT TAKE THE ANNOYINGNESS!!!" Screamed Gohma "Its Just too much!! Make it stooooooop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST KILL ME NOOWWWWW!!!!" Gohma climbed to the ceiling of the room, and then plummeted to the bottom, Splattering into a thick spidery mush, and then dissolved into a blue light, and turned into a heat container. 

      **catchy Triumphant Music Plays**

      Navi fluttered lopsidedly to Link from the dissolving spider and kicked him in the nose "Why in the world did I get stuck with you??  Ugh… Moron.. " Link and Navi took the Heart Container and stepped into the ring of blue light and was transported outside to talk to the Deku Tree. 

      "Wheee!!! I did it!!! I did it!!!! Where's my Shiney thingy?!?!?!??!" yelled Link at the Deku Tree. A heavy stone flew and hit Link in his his head. "OW!!!" Link looked down to see what hit him and it was a shiney green stone. "WHEEEEE!!! ITS SHIIIINEY!!!!"

      "I guess the last thing that boy needed was another head injury… " Said the Deku Tree, an anime-ish sweatdrop appearing on both The Deku Tree and Navi. "Annyway.. Go kill Ganon,  I cant take Links stupidity and Navi's annoyingness, so I'm just gonna die now."

      The Deku Tree dies. 

      "Now we have to find more of the Spiritual Stones!" Said Navi.

      "More Shinies????????" Link Grinned.

      "ermm… sure.."

      So Link and Navi went back to the village to see Mido_ STILL _standing there in the same place he was earlier.

      "um… what's up?" said Link to Mido with a Puzzled look on his face.

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!" said Mido.

      "hee hee… You said "_Dookie_" hee hee."

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "Not necessarily.."

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "I did not."

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "No I didn't.."

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "umm…"

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      "er… Bye!"

      "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!"

      Link Walked away towards the cave leading to Hyrule field, he could still hear mido yelling "YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!!!" but it faded away as he got farther away from him.

      And so Link and Navi began their journey to Hyrule Castle, Where their Destiny awaited them…

      Please Review and I will be your frieeeeend and give you yummy magic twizzlers!!! ..or something… O_o


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